Honors English Extra Credit: If Your Parents Chose

juliet and parisIn Romeo and Juliet, Juliet became so very desperate about love when her parents tried to force her into marrying Paris. As we discussed, Paris seemed like a nice guy. He didn’t know that Juliet didn’t want to marry him because arranged marriages were normal in that society. “Renaissance marriages were not simply personal matters; they were crucial to the network of alliances that underlay a family’s prosperity and prospects and that, in turn, formed the fabric of loyalties, affection, and obligation that supported civic institutions” (Italian Renaissance Learning Resources).

ghirlandaio_marriageofmaryJuliet’s age was even right on target. “Brides, especially in Florence, were typically much younger than grooms. Women as young as fourteen were often married to men in their thirties” (IRL).  Arranged marriages aren’t just customs of centuries past, though. According to statistics provided by UNICEF in 2015, around 50% of marriages worldwide are arranged. In fact, one of my former students just a few months ago told her parents that she did not want to participate in the marriage they had arranged for her. A story on the Huffington Post tells of some more modern perspectives on arranged marriage.

Romeo and Juliet- Paul Rudd
Look! Ant Man is dancing with Juliet!! :p

Now, imagine that your parents were choosing your husband or wife. What type of person would they choose for you? What type of dowry would they give for you you (if you’re female), or what would they demand on your behalf (if you’re male)? Would you go along with it? Why might your parents choose the type of person you’re imagining they would choose– or that they might actually have chosen if your family participates in an arranged marriage.

ManSpeaker1_250hAs always, I’ll start us off. First, my mother did not like Carl when he and I started dating. He was not what she would have chosen for me– At. All. My family is very conservative. I was raised strictly Southern Baptist. I even spent years traveling with my family as a member of The Partons (my maiden name), our musical group, singing in churches throughout the Southeast. In fact, we were voted the Buckeye State (Ohio) Singing Convention’s Group of the Year once! I played keyboards and sang soprano, my mother sang alto; while my baby brother played bass. I have always loved music and singing, and this was a lovely part of my life. My parents would have chosen for me a life-long Southern Baptist who would join the group. He would have been a straight-laced, suit-wearing, bass-singing preacher man with strong earning potential. Just as in many arranged marriage cultures, my spouse would have been chosen to propagate our religious beliefs and secure economic prosperity. For the right man, I think my parents would have offered up four or five of their adjacent acres for our house.

juliet and friar I would have been miserable with such a somber person; I’m basically whimsical and a bit sarcastic (if you haven’t already noticed), and I’m pretty sure I would have driven such a man insane. Can you imagine me with a mini-van full of rug rats heading off to the covered-dish? Right. And you don’t even know me that well.

But I met Carl, and it was Love at First Sight. (You can read a 100 word essay about our meeting at the link ;.) Carl was a Beatles fan with a white-boy ‘fro who didn’t even own a suit. At the time, he was an Art major, and if you don’t already know it, you should know now that the fine Arts do not exactly spell JOB SECURITY. So, he was almost the exact opposite of what they would have chosen. But he is my soulmate. We have been blissfully married over 20 years now, and my parents like him. For the record, they gave us the two acres on which we built our house as a wedding present.

courtship through window

Respond in a comment below for up t0 30 points, 40 if you’re really into the conversation. The DEADLINE is October 26, 2015.

 

Advertisements

111 thoughts on “Honors English Extra Credit: If Your Parents Chose

  1. (Disclaimer: not a student, just a fan.) I have never had much sympathy for Romeo or Juliet, and have often felt sorry for Paris and the parents of these two! Plus don’t get me started on the friar – what was he thinking?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely felt sorry for poor Paris. He seemed like such a nice guy! And seriously! Friar Laurence was, to me anyway, the most irresponsible person in the play! The Nurse was just so simple-minded, you can’t blame her!
      Welcome to the site!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I will sing for your class, and you will find out just how close you came to missing out on me as an English teacher! Broadway was calling! That actually is the other career I considered. I love to sing. I sing mostly jazz, by the way. (I am proud of my finely tuned sarcasm as well!)

      Like

        1. With our current break-neck pace, I’m working on a place to fit in a “show,” but I’m a real ham! I love an audience. I’ve even learned a new song– in French– to sing for you guys in addition to the two I always sing.

          Like

  2. I have been told that you are a great singer! I have been meaning to ask you if you would sing something for us! On the other hand, what church did you go to?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My membership was at Roaring Fork Baptist. That’s where my parents still go. My brother, Michael Parton is a deacon there and drives the youth bus. I also went to First Baptist in Sevierville for a while. All told, I’ve been to a good percentage of the churches in this area. When we were singing the most, we spent just about every Sunday traveling for 8 or 9 years. It was very fulfilling. I enjoyed meeting so many people and seeing so many different types of worship. We didn’t just sing in Baptist churches; we also sang a lot in Church of God, Methodist, and some Presbyterian. The big conventions were all non-denominational. We got to open for a Jerry Clower program in Pigeon Forge for an audience of over 2000 once! That was also really cool!

      Like

  3. If it were me, my mom and dad would have chosen a man who probably be at my church. I probably wouldn’t like him, as I prefer to be single. They probably wouldn’t offer much of a dowry, as I have 2 sisters here with me. So, they probably would give a $50 dowry. I wish to stay single!

    Like

  4. My family is very much against arranged marriages. I do however see how it was very important during the time period of Romeo and Juliet, when there were the great houses and all, and marriages essentially made the world go around. However, there is not much need of it in today’s society, where a family name will not give you power as it did back then. But for the sake of writing something down, I asked my mother that if she were to arrange a marriage, what kind of person would she marry me too. Even then she struggled to come up with an arranged marriage. She simply told me who she hoped I would be with. She wants the person to be well educated, to value family, and to appreciate the arts. All she really wants is from me to take care of her when she’s old. Currently, I would very much prefer to be single, it’s just much easier on me. If I were to ever get married, that is the kind of person I would like to be married to, but personality is still a variable. And personalities are unpredictable.

    Like

    1. Well, I’d think it would be easier for you to be single right now! But I like that you got your mother’s input for your comment! That was a great answer for her to give you, by the way! She sounds really concerned about you!

      Like

  5. Arranged marriages seem hard on parents as well as their children. Having to chose a husband or wife for your daughter or son, and being responsible for their future happiness, or, even more likely, misery, would be (almost) as bad as having no say in who you are married to. Arranged marriages seem like an archaic practice, as their main purpose was for parents to match their children with another of a similar social status, wealth, and religion. Today, though, caste and social structure make less of a difference in many countries, but not all, and, while they have much less control over who their children marry, parents look more for personality and other less material characteristics. However, if my parents had to choose a wife for me, I believe that they would choose a hard-working, artistic, or intelligent person. My parents would likely not ask for a large dowry if the person they chose matched most of their criteria. I would probably NOT agree with whoever they chose, as I prefer to make my own choices, and, for now at least, marriage is the last thing on my mind. Also, I would rather marry someone who was not chosen by my parents to match me in as many ways as possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’ve hit on a key point to how American teens see arranged marriage: You want to make your own choices. Even someone who is normally quite easy going would want to make such an important decision. I’ve also pondered how much responsibility it would be for a parent to have to make that decision. I have thought that some of the men Chelsea has dated have not been at all worth her while, but when I’ve considered if I could pick anyone who would be a better match, I’ve been forced to say I couldn’t.

      Like

  6. My family and I are also very religious. Although I do not go and sing for other churches, which sounds like an amazing experience, I have preformed in our church. I feel that my mother would choose someone that is VERY religious. He would most likely be a beach buff also, due to her longing to move back to the beach. Thankfully, however, she doesn’t agree with arranged marriages so I wouldn’t have to worry about that.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. From what I’ve come to know, arranged marriages are very common in religions such as Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism, and Judaism. From my stand point, arranged marriages seem like a terrible mistake. Anybody should be able to marry whomever they choose. Set nuptials can be discriminatory as well. Race, religion, ethnicity, and social status are some key characteristics that cam influence arranged marriages. In some relationships that consist of a man and lady that were to fall in love, they would have to lie to their spouses and say they love them (just like in Romeo and Juliet). This could even result in a feud such as the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s. Take for instance someone may love a person for their personality even if their disabled, but those two can’t get married because the society doesn’t approve. These arranged marriages are even present today. Some Princes or Princesses have to marry royal blood. For example, Prince Charles & Diana Spencer or Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. However if my parents would chose my spouse, they would chose a strong Christian lady with a great attitude. Also she would have to be financially stable with no less than a bachelors degree. Although I feel I am a strong Christian young gentleman, it would hurt my self esteem if my parents had to choose who I should marry!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the cultures with arranged marriages, many of the couples are very much in favor of them and say that it takes work to make any marriage successful. I’m certainly glad my parents didn’t choose my husband since they would not have selected Carl.

      Like

  8. It would be hard, for me and my parents, if my parents chose who I married. Marriage is not what I would be thinking about, especially because i’m only 14 years old. Kids, teens, or adults usually don’t agree with their parent’s arranged marriage. For instance, in Romeo and Juliet, Juliet didn’t agree with her father’s choice. He chose Paris, and although he wasn’t bad at all, she was not happy with him. She refused to marry Paris, and her father got very angry and threatened to hit her and even kick her out. My parents would probably choose someone that goes to church, well educated, and is a hard worker. I would never be able to live with someone who can’t have fun, and is strict, because i’m a weird person and I like to joke around a lot. My parents only want the best for me, and wants me to do well, but I would never agree with my parent’s choice of marriage, especially because she will not like my personality.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I believe that if my uncle could choose who i married, then he definitely would. He, like most parents, just want the best for me, but he can be a bit overbearing about it at times. I think that if it were the right circumstances and the right time period, he would choose someone that is kind, ambitious, and VERY religious. Of course i would disagree with the man he chose because i’m not religious at all and i am very hard headed when it comes to making my own decisions. And as for the dowry, he wouldn’t ask for much, if anything at all. He isn’t interested in the money, he is more interested in making me happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s great that your uncle is concerned with making you happy. It’s also interesting that your two ideas about religion are not the same. That can be difficult. My parents are more religious that I am…well, they view how to express one’s religion differently than I do. I actually consider myself religious, but not as traditional.

      Like

  10. Arranged marriages are not as common as they use to be back in the renaissance. Things, in the way of marriage, have changed drastically over the years. Marriage can now be between whomever, though some religions forbid ungodly marriages. Teenagers chose who they want to marry and when (as long as they’re over the age of 18) they want to marry them. I feel that if it were the renaissance and my mother had to choose my husband that it wouldn’t end well. I’ve always had a mind of my own; I doubt that going back in time would change that. Marrying someone I simply don’t enjoy being around or someone I know absolutely nothing about would be out of the question. Back in the renaissance I’d have to marry whomever it was my mother picked. I know that my mother would pick a suitable husband who was a close friend of the family. Even now she tries to convince me that I’ll end up married to her best friends son, which is highly unlikely. My mother would choose someone who is mentally, financially, and physically stable. He’d have to go to church on Sundays and share our religion. If my mother had to choose my husband I hope she’d let me have say in who It’d be. My mother and I don’t look for the same assets in a person. My mom probably wouldn’t look twice at any of the guys I show interest in marrying. I am glad that’s not the case and that I’m free to marry anyone of my choosing. None of this concerns me however because marrying someone isn’t on my agenda until the very distant future. As for the dowry, I’m sure my mother would offer whatever it is her man of choosing wanted if she truly wanted me to marry the said person.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, arranged marriages aren’t common in the US, but in many parts of the world, they are still carried out. Some families who immigrate to the US bring that custom with them. I’ve known some students who had marriages arranged for them. It’s really quite interesting.

      Like

  11. Like many of the other posts, my parents would choose someone very religious, too. They would also choose someone smart, who could support a family. All of those characteristics are great to me, but I would actually to make the decision on my own. However, I’m pretty sure they have a say in the marriage by approving of him, or not.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Unlike most, religion would most likely not play a significant factor in who my parents would decide to wed me off to. However, even without religion having a major role in the choosing process, multiple other criteria would make the task of finding a suitable mate stressful and challenging. They would most likely search for someone in a stable position, speaking mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically. Job field and profession of choice would also be considered. Above all, my parents would seek someone confident, yet gracious and humble at the same instance. So long as the person they discovered fit the criteria well, the dowry would not be unreasonable or extravagant in size. While I am aware that they would be evaluating others for my benefit, it is probable that I would not agree with their final decision. I personally believe that individuals should pick their own partner, for they know exactly what they seek in another person. In the end, having no voice in marriage arrangement could lead to disagreements among family members and, in extreme cases (such as that of Romeo and Juliet), chaos. Having free will to choose who you want to marry sounds like a more controlled, peaceful method than having parents arrange your own wedding.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I do agree, and I believe they would want the best for me. However, I am a firm believer that one is in charge of his or her own life, and that he or she should steer it as oneself finds appropriate. When you choose for yourself, you are viewing the situation in the most personal point of view, which is good if the dilemma is potentially life-altering, such as marriage.

        Liked by 2 people

  13. This is a particularly hard question for me to answer, considering my parents are very opposite in beliefs and are also divorced. If my dad had to chose, he would pick someone with very similar tastes as myself. He knows me very well . My mother on the other hand, would pick someone that is absolutly nothing me. She is very religious, while on the other hand am not at all. She would pick a nice christian girl that would more than likely clash with my personality. All in all, i am glad arranged marriages are uncommon now. I feel it is a human right to pick who you love, no one else should decide that for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I can understand how it was important for parents to choose their son’s or daughter’s wife or husband in the era of Romeo and Juliet. They would always pick someone with power and money, because back then there were big family names like Montague and Capulet. The name you had determined your reputation and future. But the modern world, arranged mariages are not made in most countries, although some undeveloped countries still arange mariages. I think that if my parents arranged my mariage, they would pick someone very religious, and educated, and a hard worker with a good personality.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. My parents had an arranged marriage. My mom and dads grandmothers met each other at a party. My dads grandma over heard my moms grandma talking about finding a husband for my mom. My dads grandma stepped up and said i have the perfect guy, my dad. That’s how they ended up meeting, liking each other, and getting married. I personally don’t like arranged marriages. I am more of the “find my own guy” person. If my parents would choose a guy for me, he would be hard working and successful. It would also be a guy they trust and who cares for me. Most important of all, he would be Indian like me.

    Like

  16. I know I always thought they had a love marriage, but my parents explain that they had an arranged marriage. They have been married 16 years and love each other very much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is wonderful! I think that people forget that every marriage takes work, whether it is arranged or a “love match.” If a couple thinks that love is all it takes to make a marriage work, that marriage may end up doomed. My husband and I are very much in love, but we also work on looking out for each others’ needs and being considerate and being willing to compromise.

      Like

  17. My mother and Popa have certain beliefs that allow them not to support the concept of arranged marriage. We are a very church oriented family. We are in church every Sunday and Wednesday. They both want me to be in a relationship with a man who has great work ethic, church oriented, and who is respectful and supportive. I would definitely listen to their recommendations because I know that they only want what’s best for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is good to listen to parental recommendations, especially when you know they are looking out for your best interests. Don’t you find it interesting that as different as your family is from the cultures that typically have arranged marriages, in both cases religion is usually at the root of the choice of a spouse?

      Like

      1. Yes I do! But religion does play a big role with how the world is today. It’s a scary place. You never know what’s around each corner. So most definitely I would listen to their recommendations. I believe and trust everything that they say, and do. Including that there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages, but that’s not for me. I don’t want to marry someone because of their great fortune or for the sake of their last name. When I do eventually get married, I want it to be true love. I don’t want to have just met the guy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m glad to hear that! What would you attribute all of your happy years of marriage to? Did your mom and dad have any input in your marriage? What’s your parents take on arranged marriage?

        Liked by 1 person

  18. This is such a hard question to answer because I have never thought about who they would want me to marry. But my Mother would pick someone who is very nice, quiet and respectful which is me when at school. But I have a very boisterous personality when around my friends. My Father would probably pick someone very loud, funny and likes do be crazy like me. So they would clash on who choose for me. I know that they would be looking out for me in picking someone to marry and only want the best for their little girl. But I would not be able to stand an arranged marriage I want to be with someone I am in love with not with someone my parents chose. For all I know they could choose some guy that wants me to be a stay at home wife and just sit at home all day and eat bon bons while he’s at work and come home and dinner be on the table. That would not be the life for me I wouldn’t last a minute. After all I am the one that would be getting married not them. It is my life and I have to live with the guy so I want to be with someone that I am in love with. I want someone who will be wild,crazy and cute with me but also be able to have intelligent conversations with me.Over all I’m just glad that arranged marriages are not as big of a thing now as they were.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I believe my father could relate to yours in a way. He would want me to be with someone who is successful and fun-loving at the same time, having the ability to carry a sophisticated conversation and still possess a jocular personality.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Like all of the other student’s parents my parents aren’t supportive of the arranged marriage deal. They would feel like if I didn’t like it or it angered me it would be their fault. If they had to choose someone though I believe that I would like them , because they would choose someone that was smart, dependable, and able to help the family if something was to happen. I think I would actually kinda like who they choose because of these characteristics. Also I believe they would choose someone that we are close to and know well not a complete stranger.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You said you thought they’d pick someone you were close to as opposed to a stranger…Did you have someone in mind?!? And actually not ALL of the students had negative feelings about arranged marriage… at least one student’s parents had an arranged marriage, and they are now very happy.

      Like

  20. Although I didn’t ask my mom before posting this, I already know what she would say. My mom, as a few of my friends know this, has been recently remarried to a preacher. I know you must know him Mrs. Rains because he has told me many stories of when his son was in your class. Anyway, my mom would not arrange my marriage, but she would not be happy if he wasn’t the right guy for me. She would want me to be with a man who loves me and the Lord. That is how her and I both believe. He must support my decisions and care for me. Being a genius is not a must, but a good job and being on the right track are good qualities to have. I really don’t know if I would like my mom’s choice. I might seeing that she knows best for me. I would prefer to pick on my own though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s interesting thinking about this, isn’t it. Does thinking about getting married make you think about how Juliet must have felt? Of course, your mom is nothing at all like the Capulets!! Yikes!

      Like

  21. To start, if my parents chose my life-long partner, religion would definitely play a large role in their decision. They would also choose someone who could make wise decisions, work hard, and be capable of supporting a family. I believe they would choose my husband to have these characteristics because they know and want what is best for me. With all of these things, I would be very happy. However, my parents would want me to choose who my partner would be, because I am the person that needs to be satisfied through the marriage.

    Like

    1. You’re right that you are the person who will have to be satisfied for a lifetime. I think some parents don’t realize that for many of their children’s decisions– not just marriage partners.

      Like

  22. I believe that my parents would have a hard time choosing a wife for me. My mom is very strict, religious, and not really known to have a sense of humor. My dad on the other hand is easy going, non religious, and has a good sense of humor. But I think that my parents could agree on some of my wife’s characteristics. She would have a good education, pretty strict, a Christian, and good plans for the future. I could live with my wife being like this, but I wouldn’t say that she is the wife I would want. I would take into consideration that my parents are doing good for me and respect their decision. I would want my wife to have a good education, a Christian who attends church, have a great sense of humor, loving of the outdoors, and have good plans for the future. I wouldn’t agree with my parent’s choice because she would be annoyed by the fact that I’m always trying to crack jokes. I would also be annoyed by the fact that she is always telling me to do stuff like clean the dishes, or vacuum the house. It is hard for kids to have their parents arrange their marriages, because they will usually disagree with their parent’s choice. I’m just glad that my parents aren’t going to choose my wife, but I’m sure they would make a great choice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s just a natural reaction to want to make one’s own decision concerning such an important decision. (Of course, if you let your parents decide, you always have someone else to blame when you fight with your wife! haha)

      Like

  23. In my family, arranged marriage is not a custom. So, my parents would not normally arrange a marriage for me. Although if they did, the man would have to have certain characteristics. As many know, my father is a pastor, so my family is Christian. As of right now, I don’t exactly know what the perfect guy for me is, but I don’t want my parents to pick for me. If they did, the man would first have to believe in God and love the lord. He would need to be able to support a family, and run a household, while having a job (And hopefully also be pretty cute😀). Also, he would need to care for me and have the same beliefs, and also he would have to be smart and dependable. My parents would pick me someone with these characteristics. If my parents really wanted me to marry a particular guy, they may give up land to him, or money. My parents would also look if the guy loves sports, like me and my family does. I don’t know if I would agree exactly with my parents if they arrange my marriage, but I know they would try their hardest to pick the greatest guy out for me. I am glad we live in a time and place where we don’t have arranged marriages, because I don’t know how my life would end up if my parents picked my husband. I will definitely let my parents have a say in my marriage, because I value their opinion, but overall I would definitely love picking my own husband, and not having an arranged marriage!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m certainly clad that I didn’t have to let my parents choose my spouse since they never would have chosen Carl. Parents don’t always see in a potential spouse what we see in him or her!

      Like

  24. My family is very traditional and cultured. Although we have been in the United States for over 10 years, we are still very connected to our roots. We go to temple every Sunday and religiously celebrate all Indian festivals. Therefore, if I were to get arranged marriage, my parents would find me a boy who is traditional and religious. Personally, I would not mind a guy who is like that because I think we would be compatible. My parents also greatly value education so they will probably find me a guy who has a graduate or doctoral degree. My dad always talks about how he does not want me to marry someone who owns stores or motels because he knows how difficult and unreliable it can be. I would be okay with that because I also want to earn a graduate degree. If we both were well educated, it would be easier to understand each other and the long hard hours of work we would have to put in. My mom always says you do not only marry the guy. You marry his family also. In our culture, parents of the guy usually stay with the couple even after marriage. My grandparents have always lived with us. Therefore, when my parents are searching for a boy, they will look deeply into his family and how they are to make sure that I don’t have a hard time after marriage.
    Overall, I would be okay with an arranged marriage if I do not end up finding a boy on my own. Most of my parent’s expectations for a guy align with my own expectations for a guy so I would give him a fair chance at being my life partner. If my parents were to find a cultured and educated boy with a very nice family, they would offer him a car and a brand new house.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you want someone educated. Take it from me: It is vital to be with someone who is as smart as you are. Conversation is so important in a relationship if it is to last. If you (as a smart girl) were to end up with a dufus, no matter how handsome he might be, before long, you’d end up rolling your eyes at most of what he said.

      Like

    1. That’s the big question. Basically, I was too afraid to move away when I was 17. Sometimes I really wish I had taken the plunge, but mostly I’m satisfied where I am. I love teaching and believe in the power of education to better the world, so I can’t say I regret making the choices I did, but I do get misty eyed sometimes when I watch a musical or concert thinking, “That might have been me!”

      Like

  25. My family does not believe in arranged marriages. If they had to choose a person I would think they would choose a kind, wonderful, and strong personality type of person. My parents would probably demand politeness. I can kind of agree with it because they would not want whoever they choose me to be with to not have any manners. I think they would choose this type of person to be my wife because she would make me very happy to be with. I would rather be with someone who I do truly love than someone who I don’t really love, even though I belive that my parents would choose the right person for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. My parents do not believe in arranged marriages. If they could choose the type of person I would marry, I can see them picking a Christian boy who lives somewhat close to where I do. They, especially my mother, would not want me to move far away. As for the dowry, I’m not sure that they would give that much for me seeing as I have two other sisters who would have to marry.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. If my parents chose my husband, I imagine that they would pick a man who is caring and is hard working so that we together could provide for our family. My parents would probably give me money for mine and my husband’s honey moon. I would only go along with the marriage if I true my loved the guy. They might choose this type of person because they could be assured that I wasn’t being mistreated or abused in my relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes I think that it might not be a bad idea for teens to date someone that their parents picked out, just to see what it would be like.

      It would be sweet of your parents to finance your honeymoon!

      Like

  28. If my parents arranged my marriage they would choose someone that is very kind, respectful, and respectable. The girl would also be honest and wouldn’t be mean to anyone even if they were mean to her first. My mom especially would want her to be Methodist just like I am because we would have very similar beliefs. Another reason they would want her close to God is because she would do good things to strive to be closer to God . Being a good student in school is another characteristic that my mom and dad would want her to have. My parents would want her to be smart and to always try hard to make good grades and excel. MY parents would choose someone that doesn’t cause trouble and is respectful to herself and everyone around her. She would have to be respectable too. She wouldn’t be someone that does stupid things all the time or someone that other people look down on. I would prefer to choose my own wife, but if my parents arranged my marriage I would trust them to choose the right girl to be my wife.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like that you mentioned “respectful to herself” because that is a very important quality. Someone without self respect will have difficulty respecting others. I’m glad you would trust your parents.

      Like

  29. If my parents were to choose my wife, I would presume that they would select someone who was educated, carried themselves with elegance and class, and respected herself as well as everyone else. They would also make sure that she had Christian beliefs. My dad has always demanded that education be my main priority, so it is obvious he would choose an educated and determined woman for me. Even if she was the perfect woman with these admirable qualities, she may not be the perfect woman for me. I believe that marriage should be the choice of the man and the woman, not his or her parents. It is easy for us to assume that our parents would pick the perfect mates for us because they want what is best for us and our future, but it all comes down to us and what we really want.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. As a Muslim, I have heard much of arranged marriages. In fact, my father’s mother and father had an arranged marriage when my grandmother was only twelve (yes I know, I was astonished as well). Though unlike my grandparents, my mother and father did not have an arranged marriage. Although for the past few decades, Iranians, from what I have seen, have become less dependent on arranged marriages, which is unlike many other Muslim communities. I have a friend who is from Iraq and already has a fiance picked by her parents. Although my parents will not make me have an arranged marriage (at least I hope not), there would be many things they’d be particular about if I were to have one. I think the most important quality for them is for my husband to be to be a Muslim like the rest of my family (my father is especially particular about this). They’d also look for someone able to help support a family. They’d look for someone with a good education and someone that will be polite and respectful to my family and others. They would also look for someone that is fairly religious. Although I would trust my parents in finding the right spouse for me, it may be the tiny details that would make an arranged marriage undesirable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’ve really hit the main point here! It’s not so much that most of us would want someone totally different from what our parents would pick–the details would make all the difference.

      I find it interesting that you have a friend who has a marriage arranged for her. Is she looking forward to it? You also mentioned that your family isn’t arranging for you, but that your father has strong feelings about your spouse being Muslim. Would it end up being a Romeo/Juliet thing if you wanted to marry outside your faith? I know my husband’s lack of adherence to a prescribed form of Christianity was the biggest problem my mother had with him. (He is Christian, but not traditional.)

      Like

  31. If my family participated in an arranged marriage I believe they would choose someone who is quiet, respectful, and shares the same common interests as I do. I also think that they would be sure she knows how to clean house and cook. She would have to be crafty and willing to get involved in the family activities we do. She would definitely have to be a girl who stays out of trouble and is good at taking care of things for my parents to even recommend us to get married. I would most likely go along with the marriage, only if I knew that I truly love her. I would make sure to get to know her even better than my parents have before the marriage just in case I find something I do not like about her. All in all I would trust my parents in finding the right wife for me because they know me better than anyone. They also know what is best for me and I believe that their choice would be a good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Although my family, I assume like most, does not believe in arranged marriages, I have acquired enough knowledge about arranged marriages based on what I have seen thorough mediums like newspapers and television. Several of my friends come from cultural backgrounds where arranged marriages can be common place. The hypothetical scenario of my family choosing my future husband would have to encompass several factors. My family and I are a Christian family, regularly attending church on Sunday’s, so that would definitely play a big part in deciding my future husband. I know my family would want me to make the best decisions for myself and would want me to meet someone who would be perfect for me, but also love my family. I believe that if I were to have an arranged marriage, my parents would respectfully choose someone would would share the same personality traits as me: polite, the same religion as me, humorous, intelligent, attractive :), and likely to be successful. I know for a fact my parents wouldn’t want me to marry a couch potato. Because they care for me so much, I believe that this would be a tough decision for them to determine my future. They would definitely need time to find someone to match my personality and have the same life goals as I do. I am very happy that my parents do not have an arranged marriage for me, and I know that they would want me to believe in my decisions myself. Because they trust that I will be able to make important life decisions that determine my future, I know they are confident in me and the person that I’ve become. I am very thankful that my parents have faith in me that I will be successful in whatever I do or whomever I choose to marry. Even though my family and I do not believe in arranged marriages, I of course respect the ones that do. It is very common in many cultures. I believe that being able to make decisions for myself is part of growing up and becoming successful, and I am glad that my parents trust me to make those decisions, including finding my future spouse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad to see you note that you respect cultures that do arrange marriages. I find it so interesting that so many people just dismiss the concept out of hand because it is so different. I hope that you found it interesting to look at what it might have been like if your own culture did participate in arranged marriages. You thought it through quite thoroughly.

      Like

  33. As some have already said, my parents would for sure choose someone who is a Christian. I would defiantly agree on that part, though I’m not exactly sure I would want them to choose my husband. However, I would like them to get along with the person I would choose for myself. My parents and I both agree that my future husband needs to be hard working and able to support a family. They also would choose someone intelligent, polite, respectful, caring, humorous, and hopefully attractive. I know that if my parents didn’t feel right with my choice they would make sure to let me know right away, and I would respect that. I wouldn’t want my parents to choose, but I wouldn’t totally disagree with their choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. My parents are against arranged marriages. They would not choose a wife for me because they want me to be happy in my life and they would not want me to be sad or unhappy in my life. They would feel like it was their fault. But if they did pick my wife, they would pick a person that is a hard worker, can financial support the family, be a strong Christian woman, and lastly, the most important, she would have to have the same personality as me because my parents would not want a person that is strict or dull in humor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You said your parents are against arranged marriages. Do you mean that they disapprove of people who arrange them for their own children, or just that they would never arrange one for you? I like that you pointed out what a responsibility it is for the parents to choose a spouse.

      Like

  35. If my parents arranged my marriage, I think they have the potential to find someone that’s right for me. Since I am a Christian, my parents would pick someone that comes from a strong Christian background and who has a good relationship with God. I trust my parents to chose someone who has a positive attitude, respectfulness, and honesty. They would pick someone with same interests as me such as basketball, tennis, and the outdoors. They would find a girl intelligent and trustworthy. The dowry sounds pretty good to me. I’m not sure what my parents would require but a nice Camaro convertible and a bunch of money would be great! Overall I think my parents would be able to pick out the right person for me and make me happy for the rest of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Our religion, which is Hindu, doesn’t state that we have to marry a person our parents choose, but our culture ,on the other hand, is more on the arranged marriage side. Although that’s what my parents and I believe in, the culture has changed a lot. Not everyone nowadays follows the culture completely. Moving into the United States has changed my parents perspective on things. If they had stayed in India, they would be a lot more traditional. My parents and I follow our culture with great respect, but my parents don’t exactly think they need to pick a boy for me. Although my parents would choose the right guy for me, they would let me pick because they weren’t arranged. They met through friends, and dated for a while before they confronted my grandparents. Therefore, they expect me to choose someone who has an education, a right set of moral values, and a good background. I would also choose someone my parents would love as well. If my parents were to choose and they would pick someone who is well educated, respectful, capable, and of course, someone who follows our religion. They would also choose a good family for me. In the Indian culture, once a girl is married, she’s given to the the grooms family. We become part of another family and are with them most of the time. If my parents were to pick someone for me, I wouldn’t mind because I know they’d pick someone who is compatible with me. If no one were to agree to marry me (I’m insane so that’s not surprising), my parents would probably give them our hotel, a few cows from our family farm in India, and maybe a samosa or something.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t know that the bride is really no longer part of her parents’ family after the marriage. That would seem a little scary to me. Thinking about it, it almost always seems to work out the opposite in most families around here. I know that my husband spends all holidays with my family; we see his family some, but not much. It’s the same with my father. He was definitely part of my mother’s family, not vice versa.

      I think that samosa would seal the deal! I love those things! We used to have a really nice Indian restaurant around here, but it closed. I miss it. There’s one in Knoxville, but it gets mixed reviews, so I haven’t been. Have you eaten at any Indian restaurants in our area? Are they at all like real Indian food? (I know that American Chinese food is nothing like actual Chinese food.)

      Like

      1. Yeah I guess it is scary, but at the same time it’s not. You gain a new family. The bride is “given” away, but she has the same relationship with her parents except now she has another family to take care of. Normally the husband’s parents live with their son, so you have to care for them as well and have responsibilities over them. It’s not scary to me because I see how it all comes together and have been raised to accept everything. The whole situation all relates to culture and these aspects tie in to it all.

        Yes I have been to a few. There is one in Sevierville. It opened over the summer and the same branch is in Knoxville (it’s been there for years). It’s called Sitar, one of my favorite Indian places. Sitar has really good food and my parents are friend with the owner so I can assure you that the food is really good.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Awesome! I’ve passed by Sitar in Knoxville several times and wondered. My husband and I will definitely try it out soon! What dishes do you specifically recommend? Where is it in Sevierville? (I don’t get out much :p).

          Like

  37. If my parents had to arrange my marriage, I believe they would find me a good Christian man, who would treat me the way I should be treated. Some one who has the same interest as me such as softball/baseball, animals, and going to church. I believe my parents would choose a guy that respects me and loves, and won’t leave me when times get rough. They would also choose someone who isn’t afraid to work for what they want. Of course my parents whould have to like the man they choose, but I would hope the rest of my family would like him as well. Attractiveness does play a big part in who my parents choose for me to marry, but as Fiar Lawerence said, “love does not lie within the eyes, but within the heart”.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. My family, like many, does not believe in arranged marriages. So my parents wouldn’t arrange a marriage for me, although they probably would want to. If they did, the man would have to have several characteristics that would please my parents. I do come from a Christian family so they would be a huge part in picking put my future husband. He would need to able to support a family, while having a pretty good job. He would also need to dependable, trustworthy, intelligent, and always keep me laughing. I believe my parents would actually find someone like that because they care for me and they would want to find someone who cares for me as much as they do. They would also find someone that wants to achieve their goals in life and help me make mine come true. I am happy that my parents don’t have an arranged marriage for me and that they trust me and the decisions I’ll make in life. I’m grateful that I have parents that support me in anything I do, and are confident in me making choices in my future. I’m blessed that my parents have faith in me and believe that I will be successful with whomever I marry. I’m glad I get to make my own decisions and growing because of those decisions, but I do respect cultures that do have arranged marriages. I’m glad my parents believe in me enough to let me choose my future husband, but they will have a say in my marriage because they know what’s best for me and my future.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. In my family, we don’t believe in arranged marriages. If my parents did choose, they would want a person who is a Christian, intelligent, and who has the same values as I do. They would also want a person who has a successful career, and who would be a good parent. My spouse’s parents would probably give me land as a dowry to build a house and start a family. In my opinion, arranged marriages are not a good choice because it doesn’t allow me to find the right person for me. My parents might choose someone who is suitable for them, but not for me. I want someone who is a Christian, values education, will be a good mother, and wants to be successful in life. I am thankful that my family does not believe in arranged marriages, and I hope to find someone who is right for me, not my parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. My family does not believe in arranged marriages, so they would not make me marry someone just to promote the family. If my parents would choose a girl for me they would look for someone with similar interests and life goals. My parents said that they would look for someone that is a Christian, with higher educational goals and enjoyed spending time with our family. My mom and dad have known each other since they were in the 3rd grade. They said they were best friends before they ever dated. Growing up, my dad worked with my Pops at his golf course and has always been considered “his son.” My mom said she would love for me to have that same relationship. I would like to have a girl that would make me laugh, someone that could challenge me and enjoy playing sports. I am very happy that my parents do not plan on arranging a marriage for me, and I know that they would want me to choose the right girl to spend the rest of my life with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds like you could definitely get advice from your parents, even though they won’t be making the decision. It’s great when a couple who has known each other forever ends up together with a sound marriage. My mother and father met when he was working building GPHS, and she was a senior here. They married over her Christmas break. It’s not as long a relationship as your parents, but I love their story.

      Like

  41. Honestly I’m not exactly sure what kind of girl my parents would choose in an arranged marriage, however I do know that they would most likely choose a girl that goes to my church (and given the selection, I believe I would be quite happy with their choice!).

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s